Thoughts From Dad

I thought I'd post some of my thoughts.

First off, my family is awesome.  I was thinking over the weekend that 6 years ago, Sky and I started talking on a "college dating" basis when she invited me over to her apartment and we sat around talking and watching People's Court.  Soon after she asked me to watch her dog Chelsea while she went on a week long adventure to see the birth of her Tau Beta Sigma sister's child...  Fast forward six years, married with two wonderful kids.  We have a big house, live in a quiet subdivision, and both of are kids go to an excellent school.

Sky is the epitome of an excellent mother.  She does everything for those boys and goes to extreme lengths to make sure they are getting the proper education and guidance.  She rushes to their rescue if they fall and get hurt and she holds them when they are crying and/or scare.  She laughs with then (and sometimes at them) when they are happy.  She looks for ways to ensure they are exposed to creative and new experiences.  Excellent mother, I can't say it enough.

Adrian is my ace.  He's my firstborn, and if you ever met him, you would know he's my son.  Most people say he looks more like his mother, which may be true, but he acts just like me.  Sky and I are sure he has Asperger's Syndrome, and Sky has stated that she is sure I have/had Asperger's as well.  I've come to terms that I probably have it, although I've obviously learned to deal with it.  As smart as Adrian is, I worry at times about his social and emotional development (areas where he is having trouble).  The kid can use a computer on his own, has the brain power to use logic to solve problems that may be complex for his age (3), and is speaking in understandable compound sentences.  You show him a picture of a classroom with a butterfly in it and ask him where the butterfly is...  he will tell you that the butterfly shouldn't be in the classroom.  He's a thinker, just like his dad.  I know Sky gets frustrated with him at times, and so do I, but I feel that I understand him better, because, let's face it, I have what he has.  Our brains function differently that others, so I have been told.  Two famous individuals that have had Asperger's--Bill Gates and Albert Einstein.  Who better to be categorized with?  I am just hoping that we can get him the proper assistance for his social/emotional development, because the kid is a genius and will change the world one day.

Micah is just the most pleasant (well, until about a week ago) baby ever.  He is 13 months now, walking, trying to talk.  He's smart and uses sign language to communicate.  Most recently, he has been described by Sky and I as being... "just like his brother".  Sure, that could be a good thing, maybe he's baby genius #2...  but we are talking about his tantrums.  I don't think it's anything out of the ordinary.  Baby opens drawer, parent tells him no, baby swats arm at you and cries.  Baby slaps parent, parent thumps baby's hand, baby looks angry and cries...  Standard Parenting 101 stuff.  We will have to watch him develop to see if he shows signs of Asperger's like his brother did.  But until now, Micah has been the "ideal" baby.  Five minutes out of the womb, he was chillin' calmly, no crying, active.  First night from the hospital, slept alone through the night.  First year, slept through the night.  Only cries when hungry or very tired.  Easy to put to sleep.  The dream child!  I think now he is more conscious of the world and realizes there is more to life than bottles, diapers, and naptime.  Time will tell.

Overall, I'm very optimistic.  Every family has its faults, but I would not trade anything in the world for what I have in my family.  Stay tuned as the adventure is only beginning...

Letting go, starting anew

The earlier post dealt more with catching up on the major happenings since the first post. This post will detail what I have been thinking about recently, since the possibility of Adrian being on the autism spectrum has been brought to the forefront. On Tuesday, I felt mostly relief. It seemed that finally someone was listening to me and that my child was NOT NORMAL. All of the idiosyncrasies, the compulsions, the emotional fragility...it just began to make sense. He has also been refusing to nap, and absolutely hates to go to sleep. In recent weeks, I have noticed increased aggression and perhaps even REGRESSION when bladder and bowel control are concerned. These unusual behaviors are mostly associated with him being told to do something that he emphatically disagrees with. However, the aggression and bladder control issues have also manifested themselves in the sleep routine. He has awaken frequently with screams, tantrums, and other odd behaviors for seemingly no reason at all. Last night, Adrian woke up three times because he peed his pants and wet the bed twice. Why? Who knows...he's been potty trained for months now. It has been emotionally draining to know that my child has what might as well be termed a chronic illness, one that could carry an immense and negative social stigma with it. But I will learn to deal. I will too surmount being the mother of an Asperger's child. I have let go of the child that I thought I had, an intelligent, witty, funny boy. I am now in the process of embracing a very similar child, yet I must add other adjectives such as emotionally fragile to the list. On the surface, it changes things slightly. Yet, it also changes things permanently. This is now who he is and I want the very best for him.

Catching UP...........

Since my last post, lots of things have happened. Adrian started a new preschool and was potty trained within 8 weeks.. and has turned 3 years old. My mother-in-law visited from Louisiana over the Christmas holiday. Micah has turned 1 year old, the pastor at our church went back to Korea, and Geoff started a new job. Since beginning at the new preschool, Adrian has had increasingly frequent behavior issues. He hits, slaps, kicks whoever and whatever is around when he doesn't get his way. Of course, this is seemingly innocuous or "normal" at 2years old. But most recently, he has become more violet and agressive. I was at my wits end when I was called at work (which is a 45 minute commute from the preschool) to pick Adrian up for agressive behavior for the third day in a row. Especially since they called as soon as I had gotten to work. I figured...I just need supernanny. He threw a chair at the teacher and then hit several of his classmates as they were standing in line. It seemed as though we have tried everything. Spanking, timeouts, verbal warnings, and ignoring (which landed us in the ER for loose teeth after an extremely energetic tantrum). The pediatrician essentially accused Geoff and I of not knowing how to talk to a 3-year old. He asserted that we were giving too many directives and talking to him too much. Well that's a bunch of you know what.

My immense frustration with Adrian’s behavior led me to do a quick Google search on behavioral therapy. I called Ashely therapy and they had an available appointment today. What a relief. The therapist listened to me and my concerns about Adrian. She thinks he may have Asperger’s or some other high functioning autism disorder. What a relief. It finally has a name! I have been doing my best to cope and parent with the limited (psychological) knowledge I have. He screams uncontrollably when he is upset. I’ve always been told “this is normal” But he is 3 years old now. It makes sense to me. He is intelligent, knows a whole lot, and has HORRIBLE social skills. Somehow, I never thought about such a possibility—that he might have autism. Recently, I had been coming to terms with the fact that there was something wrong. But I figured it might be OCD or ODD, given that he seems to have some compulsive tendencies and also is very very defiant. So we were referred to the Behavioral Disorders Clinic at MUSC, as those people should know whether or not it is Asperger’s.